Have you ever realized something about yourself that you never really knew before? Well, the other day, I did. I used to think I wasn't afraid of anything. That may be a cliche to you, but it wasn't to me. I believed it, lived it, even. I wasn't scared of anything, except loosing those I love. And that wasn't really a fear, more like a worry. And I wasn't scared of death, I still don't fear it. But I did know that I hated heights, just wasn't exactly scared, because I love the idea of flight... And zip-lining. But, the other day - and you know that gymnasiums are BIG - in gym class, I realized something. I realized that I was scared of being out in the open.
It makes me feel vulnerable. I absolutely hate it. HATE it. I realized that I prefer having my back to a corner, so I can observe my surroundings. It makes me feel safe. When my back's facing nothing, and I'm in the middle of a room, I feel vulnerable, as I said before. I feel like someone's behind me, about to do something, anything. It bugs me way too much. It's like the opposite of being claustrophobic. I like being in a more confined space, though I hate being in a car, because I'm touching someone - I hate THAT too - and there's nowhere to move, but only for an hour or so.   According to research, I think I may have Agoraphobia, and it may also explain why I have a difficulty in trusting people, and why I'm anti-social. "Agoraphobia (from Greek αγορά, "gathering place"; and φόβος, φοβία, -phobia) is an anxiety disorder characterized by anxiety in situations where the sufferer perceives certain environments as dangerous or uncomfortable, often due to the environment's vast openness or crowdedness" -Wikipedia.com 
What do you think? Email me at fallen99@comcast.net .



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